The best parenting GIFT of all: Insight, freedom and time

(A similar version was originally posted on The Oregonian's Omamas blog site.)

We want our kids to have wonderful birthdays and holidays. What would it take to achieve that? Whatever the gift, it will most likely produce a bit of happiness -- for a small amount of time.

There is a bigger gift we can give our kids -- something that will increase their sense of well-being and not cost much at all. I’ve put it into an acronym: GIFT, which stands for Give Insight, Freedom and Time.

Insight
“Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen carefully.”
~Littlefoot's mother, Land Before Time

Give them insight into themselves. Help them find their strengths, discover their own values and understand how to be psychologically flexible.

When kids spend time on activities they are good at, they have more opportunities to succeed, which will give them the confidence to move forward. Sometimes kids need help finding out what they are good at.

They will surely adopt some of your values, but they should discover their highest values on their own. That will help them choose the goals that will lead them in a positive direction.

Talk about what to do when things don’t go well and that we can’t plan for every situation, but if we learn to be flexible, we have a better ability to bounce back. Difficult situations, feelings, and people will always come up. The degree to which your child can be flexible in those situations can boost his or her resiliency. Instead of telling your child what they should do in a situation, ask questions and let them come up with the answers.

Talk about what went wrong in your life and how you handled it, or how you made mistakes and wished you had done something differently. Talk about people you have met or worked with who made an impact on you, whether good or bad.

Driving them somewhere? There is an opportunity to talk. At the end of the day, sit on the floor of their room and chat while they are winding down. This is perhaps the time of day when they are most receptive to your words, and more importantly, most likely to tell you about their thoughts, feelings and experiences. If you get into this very valuable situation, remember to listen. Don’t interrupt or give advice. Just listen.

Freedom
“Give your child a hug when needed, but don't forget to let go!”
~Andrew Vogl

6 Social Media Rules: WISDOM for Kids and Teens

(originally posted on OregonLive.com Omama's, the parenting blog for The Oregonian)

As parents we talk a lot about cyber-safety. So many stories have surfaced about the serious consequences of bullying and harassment from social media. We worry about our kids and teens being bullied online.  Where is the social media etiquette?

I’ve seen more and more adults using a disrespectful tone when on social media. It makes me wonder about the message that our kids are hearing. In helping out my kids and others with Facebook questions, I have been pointing out simple rules -- little bits of wisdom that sometimes escape the thought process in the excitement of this new communication playground.

What it comes down to is teaching, and even more important, modeling, simple playground rules. Use the word WISDOM to help kids remember.

When someone is hurt, help them.
If in danger, get help.
Safe sites only.
Don’t post without permission.
Only friends, no strangers.
Make amends.